Ain’t Clownin’ Around

A version of this recently appeared in October/November issue of South magazine.

In the wake of the creepy clown epidemic, South magazine sat down with Stitches the Clown, one of those creepy clowns scaring the South and co-owner of the Dead City Clowns, to discuss the clown epidemic, his most memorable scares, and just how scary he thinks he really is.

STitches
“Our motto is ‘spread the fear.'” -Stitches the Clown | Photo by John Alexander.

South magazine: Tell me about yourself and the Dead City Clowns.

Stitches the Clown: You wanna know the real story or the folklore story?

SM: Tell me the good, juicy one.

SC: Dead City Clowns actually started because of the Ringmistress. She is a 400-and-something-year-old witch who learned how to remain young by removing all of the good and positive in someone, leaving them with the darkness, hatred, and all that good stuff.

SM: Well she sounds amazing.

SC: Yeah, she’s a pretty girl. But myself, I was a traveling magician that would go around with the circus and what not, way, way, way back in the day. She would actually attend my shows, without me knowing about it. She was doing her thing. Draining me of all of the good, every night when I performed. Until one night I was doing the saw the girl in half with a box act. Well, that night, I decided to go ahead and actually saw my assistant in half, leave her on the stage, walk off and cut the next clown’s face off with a shovel, put it on my face, and once I ran out, the Ringmistress was waiting there for me. That’s kind of how Dead City Clowns got started and from there, we went around, collaborating, and now we’re 25 [clowns] strong.

SM: Tell me about the mission of Dead City Clowns.

SC: Our motto is “spread the fear.” We go around the States and the world, providing unique forms of entertainment. People travel from states and states away to come see us.

SM: On a scale of Pennywise to Freddy Krueger, how scary are you?

SC: I would decimate them both.

SM: That’s what I like to hear. What’s your most memorable scare?

I’ve had people urinate, defecate, jump over things, end up bleeding trying to get away from me. But I think when people collapse and pass out are the bests.

SM: I would say that’s pretty successful.

SC: *Laughs evilly*

SM: What did you think about those clown sightings and hecklings about two years ago?

SC: It’s stupid. People just wanted to be known on social media. It fizzled out as quickly as it started. You want to get scared, come see us.

SM: What’s up with the name Dead City Clowns?

SC: We’re proud to call Savannah, Georgia our home. It’s the Dead City. I like to think we’re pretty much dead inside.

SM: Do you have a specialty act, or do you just like to scare the hell out of people?

SC: We do fire performances. Ignis does fire spinning and I do fire breathing and eating. We also do sideshow performances, like putting nails in our skulls, glass eating, et cetera. We also do a lot of behind-the-scenes charity work. When we became an official organization of clowns, part of our mission statement was to help and give back, when and where we could, whether that is doing an event for autism awareness, or scaring kids who are terminal.

SM: What’s coming up for Dead City Clowns?

SC: We’re going into Haunt Season, so we’ll be in the Warehouse of Horrors in Hardeeville, South Carolina all season, while other clowns in our crew will be traveling around to South Carolina, North Carolina, and Alabama. We have our own vape juice line called Dead City Clouds put out by mastervapes.com, and our own moonshine called Dead City Night ‘Shine, a blackberry moonshine produced by Jasper County Distillery that can be found in South Carolina, too.

SM: Wow. There won’t be one mile of the South that won’t be shaking in their boots.

SC: It’ll be raining fear.

SM: Last question. Give me your creepiest clown laugh.

SC: *Laughs evilly, again*

SM: That’s creepy. I just got chills.

To hear Stitches creepiest clown laugh and the entire interview, visit southmag.com. To see them at Warehouse of Horrors, visit warehouseofhorrors.com.